


There is never a right time…  to say goodbye

by moondancerfay



Category: GOT7
Genre: Alternate Universe - High School, Angst, Character Death, Fantasy, Hurt/Comfort, Implied/Referenced Self-Harm, M/M, Terminal Illnesses
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-03-13
Updated: 2016-04-21
Packaged: 2018-05-26 12:13:07
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 10
Words: 13,599
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6238276
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/moondancerfay/pseuds/moondancerfay
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Angel Yi-eun was chosen to guard the human Kim Yugyeom, who is a high school senior at Hanlim High School of the Arts, and most of the time next to his close group of friends: Im Jaebum, Park Jinyoung, Choi Youngjae and the foreigners Hong-kongese Wang Ka-yee, who everybody simply calls Jackson, and the Thai boy Bambam (his real name nobody even tries to pronounce).<br/>When Yugyeom falls hard for the beauty, Jaebum gets horribly jealous and hurts not only one person in the process. As some become more skeptical about Yi-eun, the boys have to face the biggest tragedy they ever had to experience in their young lives.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Prologue

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Mr_johnnie](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Mr_johnnie/gifts).



~Prologue~ 

Seek an angel with an open heart  
and you will find one.  
The way you know an angel  
is by your feeling.  
Angels may not always come when you call them,  
but they always come when you need them.  
An Angel is someone who helps you believe  
in miracles again.  
Sometimes you know angels only by the miracles  
they have blossoming in their paths  
after they have gone.  
An Angel is someone you’re always happy  
to bump into.  
An angel is someone who  
raises your spirits.  
An angel is someone you feel you’ve known  
forever even though you’ve just met.  
An angel is someone who helps you grow.  
Angels make you feel welcome in this world.  
Angels encourage your best qualities  
and hidden talents.  
Angels give you those gentle pats on the back  
when you sometimes need to keep going.  
Angels give you direction.  
Angels gently push you out of your little self  
and into the broad arena of love.  
Angels remind you that you are enough.  
Angels help you see your life in a better light.  
An angel is someone who brings out the best in you.

*The poem is not mine, it's available online , I'm very sorry that I couldn't find an official author or legitimate source  
**This is my first chaptered fanfic and English is not my Native language - please be a little patient with me~


	2. Mark - feelings

It was a rainy afternoon and the constantly falling raindrops softly tapped on the practice room windows. When a soft knock on the door was heard, the heads of four boys who just enjoyed a little break turned into the direction of the entrance. A blonde haired boy peaked his head inside the room and shot the group a questioning look. “This is the dance club, right?” he asked shyly and shot them an innocent smile.  
The black haired one with an intense look in his eyes and broad shoulders, standing next to a computer nodded and gestured him to come in. “Hey, I’m Im Jaebum, but please call me JB like everybody else here. Wanna join?” he asked straight away. The others still kept silent but were checking out the skinny handsome boy as he approached. “Actually yes! I heard about you today – I transferred from another school yesterday and everybody is talking about you and your skills, so I wanted to find out myself.”  
While he was looking over the group of dancers his eyes caught sight of a tall young man who was stroking with his fingers through his long hair to keep it out of his face, his naked shoulders visible since he wore a tank top, sweat dripping down his rosy chin. When their eyes met he was caught by a curious stare which was broken when a muscular guy with a black snapback with huge gold Wang letters on it stood up to only hold out his hand for a greeting. “Well, I’m Jackson, the kid here Bambam and the tall one Yugyeom. And you are?” he asked with a huge smile while shaking the other’s hand in an overfriendly way. “Oh yeah, sorry, my name is Yi-eun, but I better go with Mark. It is a pleasure to meet you.” Bambam giggled and exchanged a look with Jackson. “No need to be so formal around here, we’re all friends. How old are you Mark-ssi?”

Mark was the oldest among the group of friends and Yugyeom the youngest. The elder got to know the others too a little later: Jinyoung, a very smart and introverted boy with a huge interest in literature and Youngjae, the talented piano player with a bright mood that lights up every room and a smile to die for. They were meeting every second day to prepare a performance for the school’s Christmas event and the slim foreigner had to admit that they were very gifted indeed! Some of the guys had created a unique choreography and others composed a song and lyrics to accompany the dance. Needless to say Mark was astonished about the outcome. Their track was called “Girls, girls, girls” and sounded pretty self-confident, but professional nevertheless.  
One good thing was that Jinyoung’s uncle, who has the same name as him and owns an entertainment company, helped them out with equipment and granted them a few hours at the recording studio during the last summer holidays. While the boys were chatting every now and then about their dream of becoming professionals, Mark definitely knew they had the potential to. Jinyoung told them once his uncle really likes their different style - a mixture of hip hop beats and dance rhythms - so much that he considers to let them debut as long as they would graduate with good grades and would accept a few years of training at the company’s trainee center. They were fire and flame in an instant and all of them worked even harder for the big competition stage at the Christmas party in front of the whole school and teacher’s board. Though Mark didn’t want to get too attached to the boys, especially not to the youngest, as his plan of guiding him was inevitable and would lead him and the other away from their dream and their forever friendship. It made him sad, but he knew there was no other way. Mark just knew that each of the boys had an amazing future ahead with the fulfillment of their dreams. They were the happiest together in the practice room and for sure their work after high school and college would have to do with music or at least the entertainment industry. That was for sure. Despite being all good dancers, it were Jaebum, Youngjae and Jinyoung’s voice that were memorable and while Mark was trying hard to reach the rap skills of the Thai and the Hong kong native, he never had the chance to really compete with them.

The Christmas talent show of the school was going to take place pretty soon and they diligently practiced nearly every day. They got the confirmation by Jinyoung’s uncle on a bitter cold late Thursday afternoon and were heading straight to the company JYPE. Finally they were allowed to use the official dance practice rooms for trainees, but only in the evenings when all the soon-to-be idols finished training. Mark was not the only astonished one when they entered the modern dance studio in the basement with mirrored walls, fantastic lighting and an incredible sound system. Bambam and Jackson screamed in surprise while Yugyeom, JB and Jinyoung just smirked happily. They have been here many times together (without actually practicing), so it wasn’t really new to them. Youngjae asked Jinyoung about single vocal rooms and how much it would cost to rent them, but was soon cut off as JB turned on their song on repeat. After changing into their dancing sweats they practiced their choreography non-stop, only taking a short bathroom and drinking break quickly in between. Around 11:30 pm Jaebum shouted out that they would finish and all fell exhausted to the floor, unable to move further, breathing heavily, grabbing water bottles and sweat towels. JB ended up as their group leader along the way and everybody was comfortable with it, especially Mark, because he somehow didn’t like to be constantly reminded that he was the oldest amongst them.  
During dancing Yugyeom took a few glances towards Mark and was always caught by the beauty’s eyes staring back at him in the mirror. Mark was conscious of the younger’s interest but couldn’t name it why. Mark watched them all. The group dynamic, despite their age and character difference, was fantastic and he was glad that Yugyeom had such friends. He was sad to admit to himself that he entered the maknae’s life simply with the inevitable hurtful purpose to make him leave such great guys, but despite his growing feelings for the tall handsome boy who slowly became a young adult in front of their eyes, he tried desperately to stay away from developing something more than just a crush. 

Over time they got used to Mark’s antiquary way of talking and his quietness. He just had nothing much to say, but when he laughed he laughed whole heartedly with a high pitch and it was so addictive. Mark was sharing many things with the others – his interest in books with Jinyoung, his love for dogs with Youngjae, his addiction to Chinese food with Jackson, his curiosity for k variety shows, movies and dramas like Bambam and JB’s likes in composition. It was different with Yugyeom – the young dancer was all passion for dancing. For him it was only rhythm, tact and beat. His body moved by itself and there was so much to learn from the youngest. Mark spent hours just looking at him, trying to capture the beauty in the movements, the stern expression on his face and the positive energy that was flowing like waves from him. He was made for dancing – there was no other conclusion. Mark became his biggest fan and he liked it most when the baby boy, as he liked to tease him, danced to house music.  
They all had a lot of fun together, even though some didn’t like how much time the youngest and oldest were spending together, hanging out in all their free time, simply because the older liked to help and the younger enjoyed a guiding hand.

After a few weeks, Mark felt more and more comfortable around Yugyeom and let him in on the secret that he came from far away to Korea, to this city with the purpose to protect someone special and even though the maknae was extremely curious, he never asked, but let the older talk whenever he felt like it. They both were more laid back when being around each other, better in listening than talking (the opposite how Yugyeom acted like when he was around Bambam, Jackson or Youngjae when he is playful and loud).  
As the days passed by, Jaebum and Jinyoung started to become suspicious of Mark. He was after all older than them and in their opinion should have had graduated way before them – in the case of Jaebum: he started school later and in the case of the foreigner Jackson: he was just put into a lower class level, so both of them were with Jinyoung and in a parallel class to the younger ones. So while the youngest of them prepared for their high school graduation, the older ones were attending preparation classes for the really difficult university entrance examinations. Surely, they were smart, but it was not only intelligence, but matter of factly good preparation that gave you the opportunity and possibility to achieve a spot in your favored university. Mark never spoke of his previous school, never of his family and they only knew that he lived alone in a tiny little roof-apartment close to the school. Yi-eun was a mystery and it was somehow only Yugyeom who seemed to share a special connection to their oldest.


	3. Yugyeom  - happiness and growth

The young boy was falling fast. The few weeks they had to get to know Mark were very intense for him. The delicate hyung was most of the time shy, but he was a good dancer. His movements were precise and he seemed to have fun.  
The festival day was approaching fast and they were practicing daily after school which was great since he got to see the other.  
One day when Mark and him arrived early as they often did, they sat together on the dancing room floor munching on chocolate bars. “Hey Yugi, do you believe in angels?” Mark asked casually. As if he had misheard, Yugyeom surprisingly asked “Sorry hyung, what did you say?” “Yah, pay attention maknae” the older responded playfully, but nevertheless repeated his question. “Uhmmm actually I have never thought about it Mark hyung” He honestly answered to this somehow weird question. “When you think of an angel what do you see – I’m just curious, it’s just for an art project you know.” “I would see a blonde beauty with snow white feathery wings and a breath-taking smile.” Then he looked the other straight into his dark eyes. “Someone like you hyung” he added shyly lowering his head in embarrassment to hide the faint pink that wandered up his cheeks. Mark chuckled. “I see. Thank you for the compliment.” Then they were in comfortable silence again until Jaebum and Jinyoung arrived chatting while entering the door. 

After practice Yugyeom needed to rest a little longer, since over the last weeks he was shorter of breath and his body felt heavier than before. Mark observed their youngest and never failed to see the tiredness and exhaustion. While the others were busier with themselves and their own school work and extra after school activities, it was Mark who knew more than the others without even seeing it. He knew and he needed to be there for the young one. He was there to be his haven, to be his support and whatever the other wanted him to be. Time was running out and all he could do is lead the other in a way that doesn’t need to be obvious to their surroundings.  
“Come on Yugi, I’ll take you home on my bike! Let’s go” With these words he helped the other up in a swift move and they walked outside, locking the practice room door since they were - like most of the times - also the last ones to leave.  
The way to Yugyeom’s house was short and neither of them felt like talking. When they arrived and the maknae climbed from the backseat, repositioning his snapback, he thanked the elder for bringing him. “H-hyung, can I ask you something?” “Sure, go ahead” “I kind of feel pretty worn out these days and I was wondering if you know anything about vitamins and food supplements?” “I don’t, but I’ll ask Youngjae, I’ve seen that he carries a small bottle of pills with him all the time. I let you know, alright?” “Thank you so much hyung, you’re the best” he said while surprising the other with a short, but tight hug. As soon as the older realized it, Yugyeom already was at the entrance gate waving goodbye.  
This was just the beginning Mark thought to himself and he wondered when the others would pay more attention to their youngest. It wouldn’t be long until he had to accept professional help. Mark looked up into the night sky. Not a lot of stars could be seen since Seoul was too bright, but Mark knew they were there. He wasn’t supposed to cry over a soul he had to protect and guide, but the tall handsome dancer with his gorgeous smile and uplifting mood made him feel something that he shouldn’t. It wasn’t supposed to hurt. This was wrong, but he couldn’t stop it. There was a feeling which was stronger than anything else that could keep them apart. He knew it from the very first day he laid his eyes upon the other. Mark shook his head. “No I cannot.” He gasped and turned around heading to the earthen place he was staying. 

Yugyeom lay awake for a very long time thinking about Mark. That’s what he did most of the time lately. When he should do his homework, when he was doing his house chores, in class, during practice and even when he was around his other friends and Mark wasn’t with them.  
His mind was split in two: one strong thought was that it is simply ridiculous to like a guy and even a friend. He was confused, was he gay? That was so wrong to think of Mark in a romantic way. He was after all his dongsaeng and had no experience whatsoever regarding love. The other was his hyung who he respected and he was a very, very good one too, always taking care of him, making sure all the time that he was well fed, that he was punctual, that he arrived safely at home. He even checked every now and then his school work and on top of that he offered his help with English, since Yugyeom was struggling with this class. All of this was great and if he would consider that, it was like a brotherly job the other gave. BUT there was this other thought that was growing stronger, counting the pro’s: first of all: Mark gave him this amazing smile – only him. When they were alone the older opened up – only to him. His hyung knew exactly what to say and when – as if he knew him, as if he could see into his soul. Yugyeom felt this warm burning in his chest when he was with him. He felt so grounded. There were just too many positive feelings involved when Mark was around him. Yugyeom never had this urge for skinship before, not even with his oldest friends Jaebum and Jinyoung. It was so self-evident every time they were close to each other. So natural that he never paid real attention to it. Being with Mark seemed so magnetic. He trusted the other one hundred percent even though they haven’t known each other for long. It’s in the elder’s eyes that he could see his experience, his knowledge and wisdom – it seemed to him that the other had a thousand year old soul. He knew so many things that weren’t taught in school. He was so aware of his surroundings and always in a good mood. Sometimes Mark knew that something would happen even before it happened. No, he wasn’t suspicious of something, he didn’t believe in magic or this shaman stuff his grandmother was talking about sometimes. He might believe in heaven and hell, but that’s it. Since spending time with Mark he thought a lot about other things he never ever dreamed of thinking of. Is there a paradise? Do angels really exist? Is there an afterlife at all? Would it hurt to die? Who would be the saddest if he would die from one day to the other? Life was so precious – why would people even consider committing suicide – what an outrageous idea!  
Though, he had to admit to himself, that he was very worried about Youngjae. He had his suspicions, because even though the other was happy, he was worn out and every other time he saw this flash of helplessness in his eyes when Youngjae thought nobody would pay attention to him. The older was always in a rush, being pressured by his parents about a few hundred thousand different things, being good in all, being healthy and thankful towards his family. Of course he was worried when he saw the dark circles under his eyes right next to his handsome beauty mark, skipping meals and pushing himself with energy drinks and vitamins for his body not to give in or even give up at all. But Yugyeom did – he paid attention, thanks to Mark he started to be more attentive and considerate and he wanted to approach Youngjae for quite a while now, but didn’t know how to put it into words how much he worried without upsetting his hyung. Generally he learned to not get on his hyung’s nerves that much anymore, working hard in school for all his classes – not only the ones he enjoyed. Surely, Mark was behind all this diligence, but somehow Yugyeom wondered if it wasn’t also that he was growing up. Was it a sign that he was about to grow into an adult thinking of all this stuff?  
Soon he fell asleep, his trails of thoughts entangled, whirling around in his head. The last image in his head that placed a sweet smile on his lips was Mark’s face right in front of him shooting him one of these special smiles he always would safe up for him. Only him. 

Yugyeom, despite being weak and exhausted, shined on stage at their competition, which they won of course, and was complimented by all. He felt great and celebrated the day with his class, friends and family. The guys went for dinner with his parents who were so very proud of him, that he was beaming the whole night. After their food though, he felt horrible. His body rejected everything and even before they arrived back home they had to stop at the next hospital, because he collapsed. He didn’t want to tell his friends, just Mark. The same night when they kept him in the hospital for inspection, Mark visited him. Mark was there, like always and it made him happy and his parents proud that their son found such a caring friend. They left the two for a few hours which they spent talking and even when Yugyeom was too tired to keep his eyes open, Mark sat next to him, holding his hands, humming some lines of a ballad, guarding his sleep, as if protecting him from nightmares. When Yugyeom’s parents returned they found the elder sleeping on Yugyeom’s arm, holding his hands. They smiled at each other and left the room again. They both looked so peaceful that they wouldn’t want to wake them. When the morning dawned they were informed about Yugyeom’s bad condition and they decided that they couldn’t tell him right away. After the holidays and New Year’s, when school started again, and they had a little normal routine again, they would tell him. Until then, they wanted him to enjoy a wonderful time. Since then every night his mother cried, trying to keep her sadness away from her son. Mark could feel it; he knew this situation well, but he couldn’t do anything about it – just take care of Yugyeom even better. Despite the sadness and despair radiating from his parents, the young one gave off happiness and positive energy besides his worsening body condition. Mark saw him growing up in these few months he got to know him better. The way he spoke, the way he acted, he was more sincere, more interested and he developed unconscious a nature to fight, which was very important for now – the will to hold on to life.  
Yugyeom, despite feeling uneasy promised to dance as long as he was able to move his body. And he was so proud of what they achieved, but especially the feelings regarding Mark overwhelmed him every time he shared even the slightest touch or eye contact with his hyung.


	4. Jaebum - jealousy

It was the New Year’s Eve and the group of friends had a little party at Jaebum’s house because his parents were away over the holidays. After playing some games and drinking they sat in front of the TV to count down the seconds until the new year was finally there. The loudest amongst them was Jackson, followed by Bambam who was dancing wild through the living room – it was after all the first time he and Yugyeom were officially allowed to drink alcohol. JB’s cat Nora was nowhere to be seen the whole night. They were toasting each other, enjoying the fire works on screen and the background sound of the traditional Korean bell in the center of Seoul that was only audible once a year.  
This year Yugyeom finally was able to drink alcohol and even though he drank before with his hyungs anyway, because they didn’t make a fuss over one beer or mixed drink, he still was excited since they were all together. So this night was unusual and special. Mark was here and he didn’t want to leave a stupid impression on the older, therefore he tried to not overdo it tonight in front of the other. When he was tipsy, he refused any other drink and stuck to his plan, though the older ones wanted to get him horribly drunk, but somehow ended up freaking drunk themselves, just not Mark. He looked like always, quiet and calm. The only differences tonight were his rosy cheeks and his extremely sparkling eyes. Every now and then they would catch themselves looking for the other just to shy away the second their eyes met. Over the last months it kind of turned into a cat-and-mouse game. The others were some times blunter than other times dropping statements to make them feel embarrassed and awkward. There was something, but none of them would make a move to find out if this something could turn out to be more than just friendship. They enjoyed each other’s company, but was there more behind it? For Yugyeom there definitely was. 

The whole night Jaebum argued with himself once more if it wasn’t better to give up on all his feelings for their youngest. During their games he, like he did most of the time, watched Yugyeom closely. He realized that he was overly tired and worn out because of school and the daily training they had, but now it should become better. It hurt, a lot, and whenever his jealousy became too much to handle, he just left the room. He couldn’t stand him and Mark so obviously flirting. He had his pride too and this burning feeling in his chest always wanted him to punch the next wall. Yes he was frustrated, but didn’t want to let it out on Mark. One of these days he had a long conversation with Jackson and they agreed on meeting up to head to the closest gym, trying out boxing. Jaebum needed to find a way to let off steam, his locked in feelings would soon or later destroy him. This unrequited love slowly killed him and even though Mark seemed to be a nice guy and he really took good care of their maknae, he couldn’t stand him. There were some things about him he didn’t like: He was breathtakingly beautiful – more than any girl he had seen so far – and he was gorgeous when talking, though he didn’t talk much at all. He came off as mature – more mature than every single one of them and he was polite and smart and attentive. Oh, he had so many things the younger couldn’t even dare to compare himself to.  
Tonight was especially hard for him. The alcohol made him very sentimental and touchy and usually Yugyeom or Youngjae were there for him to cuddle, but this time the youngest was with Mark and it would screw all of them over when he would make a move towards the younger when Mark was there. Not that he was scared of the oldest, but he had some decency and knew that Yugyeom would never ever forgive him.  
Youngjae was kind of out of himself over the last weeks. School work buried him and there was this piano stage he prepared for to enter one of these prestigious music schools. The skinship with him became very rare and Jaebum felt rejected in many ways. All the time it was him the others looked up to and now, since Mark was here, he was just there. It were Jinyoung and Jackson who took care of him, even though his mood swings must be hard to handle. He felt sorry towards them, but Jinyoungie knew him for so many years that he was like the calming spring breeze for his heated temper. Jackson was always up for an argument and never stepped back or gave in which pushed Jaebum always to do better and improve in whatever he was doing. These two became somehow over time his anchor while Yugyeom was drifting further away. Deep within he was even jealous of these two, because they shared a very sincere and intimate friendship, talking about everything, ending each other’s sentences, laughing hard about some nonsense, most of the time leaning against the other or simply touching to stay grounded. They were different in their character but they were very affectionate with each other. There was this soulmate tag Jaebum wanted to place on them, because despite them fighting sometimes, they always made up within a few minutes, they understood each other. The older didn’t want to picture them being anything more than best mates, because whenever he saw them intertwining their fingers or back-hugging, he always turned his gaze away. He never had the courage to ask directly if something was going on between them, or if they had a platonic friendship, because he was scared of the answer. He didn’t want to lose neither his precious Jinyoung, nor his wonderful Jackson. All he ever wanted is something like they had with Yugyeom. His feelings for their maknae developed over a long time and seeing him now with someone else, and this someone no other than Mr. Perfect Tuan Mark, he asked himself every day how long he could endure this. His heart breaking, his feelings burning him alive and no-one to hold on to, to save him… 

Yugyeom lay in Jaebum’s bed, while the elders were chatting lively outside in the living room, all of them a little drunk and he wanted to get a little sleep before he wanted to join them again. The younger was about to fall asleep lulled in by the talking sounds from outside, when someone crawled under the blankets with him. He thought it might be Bambam since the other didn’t want to sleep alone on the couch across the room, but to his surprise it was JB. The older hugged him tightly and when he shifted to get a little more space they were facing each other. The younger couldn’t interpret the look in his hyung’s eyes, but he was a little uncomfortable as the auburn-haired head moved closer.  
Within a second he kissed the younger, and since Yugyeom wasn’t sober either he responded without further thought. He knew from the past Jaebum was touchy with him (and Youngjae) when he was drunk – it happened many times before, but he never went that far. The older softly brushed their lips against each other. Despite enjoying the attention given to him, the younger didn’t want JB to do this to him. “Stop hyung” he sternly said and shoved the other’s head away. Jaebum instantly retreated as he realized shockingly what he had done. Yugyeom knew the other well and since it was so often a game between these two teasing each other, he had to set limits to the other, knowing that Jaebum was someone who wanted to test others borders, pushing and pulling. Deep within, the youngest knew that JB was pretty insecure about his sexuality and even when Yugyeom was young and inexperienced, he was well aware of the fact that JB needed a partner who could dominate him in one way or the other. His mind pictured Jackson. Yes, someone like Jackson would be a good balance for him. “That’s enough hyung, I know you don’t mean it and tomorrow it will all be forgotten and there will be nothing to be sorry for, ok?” With these words, he gave his elder a peck on the swollen lips. “I love you too hyung, but not in a way that would destroy our friendship. You just mean too much to me.” He whispered, quickly got up and left to the door where he tried to gain composure before stepping out in front of his hyungs. JB was lying on the bed, staring up at the black ceiling, tears prickling in the corners of his eyes. 

Later that night when JB finally left his room again he was sitting down for a while at the terrace in the cold with a cigarette and a beer in hand when Jinyoung approached him, settling next to him, quietly taking away the cigarette to throw it away, but not saying anything. Sometimes they just could spend time next to each other without saying a single word. They knew each other the longest under all the boys and appreciated each other’s presence. When the older looked away from his best friend to hide his tears he finally placed his head onto his arms on his knees. “Hey, don’t wanna join us?” Jinyoung said to distract the other. “Oh Jirongie, why the hell does it hurt so much when your love isn’t returned?” “Well, I’m not the best person to answer this question” the younger said honestly and couldn’t move his gaze away from his best friend. How was he allowed to give advice when he himself was so much in pain sometimes that some days he couldn’t even get up to face his fate. He forced himself to smile for the sake of others and it worked. He slowly placed an arm around the other’s shoulders and looked up to the stars. How did they end up like this? Loving people they would never return their love, even if it was so pure and generous and true and built over a long period of time – never changing. 

Mark fell on the couch next to Yugyeom, making the younger a little nervous. “So maknae, tell me, what’s your New Year’s resolution?!” he started and placed a can of beer into the younger’s lap. While opening the can, trying to hide his fidgeting fingers, the younger simply said: “Actually, I don’t make this kind of things. I always want to improve my dancing skills and maybe this year I will audition at one of the big companies.” “Well, that sounds like a plan to me!” the older said cheerfully, looking over to Jackson and Youngjae who were wrestling on the floor. “How about you Mark hyung, what’s your plan?” After a moment of thought the older said: “I want to be braver.” And Yugyeom shot him a questioning look. “You know I am very shy and I want to ask someone out and I just…” With hopeful eyes the younger watched the older become embarrassed, his cheeks dusting in pink color. “So, since the new year already started you should get going, no?” the younger pushed and when Mark took another sip of his can, he thought to himself it’s now or never. He searched for Yugyeom’s eyes and blurted out “You are so right, Yugi” and after taking a deep breath, giving courage to himself, he showered the maknae with a gust of words “Wouldyouliketogoonadatewithme?” he quickly said and right this moment the light went out. Mark felt relieved since his cheeks probably were bright red because he felt so flustered.  
They only heard a light bulb shatter and Youngjae was shouting Jackson’s name in the background, answered by a groaning Jackson. The two on the couch however didn’t pay much attention to the rowdies and after finding his hyung’s hands, the youngest confirmed with a firm grip around the other’s hands and a whispered “Yeah, sure”, that he would love to go on a date with him.


	5. Jackson - longing

It was Saturday night and freaking cold outside. They planned to have a movie night at home instead of heading to the cinema. Through their group chat they had a poll running for various movies and the last three choices were a Studio Ghiblin movie and two all time favorite Disney movies. They were at Yugyeom’s house all gathered in the wide living room with snacks and drinks when Jaebum – who always ended up being the leader for the decision making – shouted out the names of the three movies which made it into the last round. It was always handled like this that every vote counted and nobody had a disadvantage, so It was quickly decided by raising their hands individually. Though Jackson always complained loudly that Mark wasn’t participating at all in the voting – not even reading their messages. He wanted a poll for kicking Mark completely out of the chat room, which was always overheard by the rest of them who didn’t mind their eldest’s behavior.  
This time Youngjae brought his little dog ‘Coco’ with him. He took it from the nearest dog shelter with the intention of his parents for him to have a little more responsibility. It was such a cute white fluffy puppy that more attention was given to the doggy than what movie they were actually watching. Everybody wanted their fare share of playtime with the Maltese.  
Mark settled down next to Yugyeom, something that became quite natural for them in the last few weeks. Though six pairs of eyes followed the elder and when he looked up it was Jackson’s gaze he caught. He felt his heart drop – for how long does he have to feel like being under constant watch under Jackson’s, Jaebum’s and somehow also Jinyoung’s eyes. After they relaxed a little and chatted happily Bambam dragged Yugyeom away from Mark to lie down on the floor with a package of crisps in front of them. Before they started the movie they were joking about each of them being a Disney character and they were laughing with tears in their eyes about this mental image, picturing Jackson as Baloo the bear from the Jungle book and Bambam as monkey, whereas ‘leader’ JB was the perfect Simba from the Lion King – strong aura, gentle, with a genuine, earnest character and hyper around certain people. 

During the little break between the two movies Mark encountered Jackson in the small kitchen. After a moment of silence in which Jackson eyed the older with his dark gaze, the latter was surprised that the younger addressed him suddenly with a serious voice: “I can see that you like him. Like really like him a lot, but let me tell you that there are other people who care for him too and if you ever make him sad in any way-“, but was cut off by Mark. “Yo man, keep cool, that’s not my intention at all. I know… I feel there is someone else, but it’s not up to me to decide. I would never do something to hurt him ever.” Jackson shook his head in understanding and took his drink. With a last deep glare into the older’s eyes he vanished to join the others. He made his point clear. Mark leaned against the fridge and brought his hand up to place it on his face in desperation. “You’re alright? Something’s up with Jackson?” Jinyoung entered the small kitchen to grab two bottles of soda but shot Mark a questioning look. “What? Why would you assume that?” The older asked in a harsh manner. “Well, he is just different. Are you two… I mean is something going on…?” “What the hell are you implying Park Jinyoung? Are we two what exactly?” The usually relaxed Mark shot back in an annoyed tone since right now he was a little out of himself and it wasn’t the right time for a conversation; he needed some space to think. He knew he would come in between the established group dynamic and he knew precisely who Jackson was referring to. Honestly, he couldn’t deny that Jackson himself had a painful look in his eyes when he was talking about him, Yugyeom and the third party who probably was the most hurt. But truth be said, it wasn’t Mark’s decision, but solely the maknae’s one and he would give himself for the youngster breaking all the rules of society for him – it wasn’t really his world anymore after all and he would have to wait for Yugyeom’s decision if the younger wanted more than just occasional casual dates. 

After watching the second movie they sat on the floor and played games while finishing their pizzas. It was a fun night and they laughed so much that their stomachs hurt.  
A little later Youngjae and Bambam were about to leave when Yugyeom took Mark’s hand to lead him upstairs, away from the busy crowd at the door. They climbed up to the second floor and out of a door onto the little flat roof terrace of the house. Yugyeom’s mother had pots and plants placed nearly everywhere, covered with burlap to protect them against the cold and Mark started to be worried that Yugyeom would feel unwell since a light wind was brushing over their pale skin. “Yugyeom, it’s too cold, let’s go back inside” the older said concerned, but Yugyeom placed his arms around the other’s fragile body, pressing him closer to keep warmth between them. “Mark hyung” He whispered into the older’s ear and Mark shuddered, but not because of the wind. “Look up”. And that’s what the elder did. There was no light around them and no clouds to see, only hundred’s of twinkling stars shining down on them. Mark’s mouth fell open and the maknae leaned down, nuzzling his nose into the crook of Mark’s neck. “Isn’t it beautiful?” The stars glistened above and Mark thought to himself again it’s now or never and as soon as he wanted to turn his head to the younger to open his mouth to finally bring out his confession he was met by the insecure, shy and velvety soft lips of the other. Without thinking, their lips responded to each other and both felt like floating in the air. It was their first kiss and it was magical.

The Christmas holidays were spent by everyone with their family and even while they met up every now and then, Jinyoung and Youngjae were in their Korean hometowns - until New Year’s Eve - far away from Seoul and Jackson’s flight back from Hong Kong was also only one day before New Year’s and too soon prior to the school break’s end. For sure they missed each other’s company, some more than others.  
Same was with the Lunar New Year celebration at the beginning of February – they planned to be each with their families, sharing food and playing games. But, before the happy days even started, Yugyeom’s mother invited the guys one evening without Yugyeom’s knowing, sending him out with his father before, to tell them openly about Yugyeom’s sickness – which left them all, especially Jaebum and Jinyoung, in shock. The whole while JB didn’t say a word, listening to all what he had been told – the hard facts, the side effects, the insufficient treatment. He soaked up all of it like a sponge. Jackson was watching him constantly, feeling like awaiting the storm after this calm. He really didn’t want to leave him, but he needed to see his parents, he needed his parents now, even if he had only a few days with them.

The same night Jackson got off the plane, back in Korea, he made his way to Jaebum’s house, longing for the other’s company and making sure that he was ok. He found his hyung in his bedroom, sitting in a corner with his music book, his eyes bloodshot and tears still visible on his cheeks. As soon as JB saw the other he tried to brush away his sadness and attempted to get up, but failed miserably. His knees gave in and he sunk back onto the floor. Jackson was right by his side to support him, embracing him, providing his shoulder for his only by a few months older friend. Jackson knew well that Jaebum would only show his weak side to him because he trusted him fully. Of course they also had a very close relationship with Jinyoung, because he was easy going and loveable, like the others, but these two were always rooting for each other, bringing out the best in the other, inspiring each other. Some nights Jackson lay awake to think of him and Jaebum and of him and Jinyoung. He enjoyed the company of both of them, but instead of giving them both lots of affection and skinship, sending ambiguous signals, intentionally and unintentionally, he decided to finally draw the line and find a decision over the Seollal break. That’s what his initial intention was – to seek out Jaebum to make everything clear between the three of them. He didn’t want to hurt JB even more in all this with their maknae, especially because he knew that their leader’s heart was aching for their youngest. When he spotted the older in the corner, his heart shattered in pain and despair. When the elder cried heavily in his arms he shed tears too. There was so much that dragged Jaebum down that the younger was really relieved that at the moment their leader didn’t drink like last time. He sighed in relief that no bottle of alcohol was around his hyung, since sometimes he became violent when drunk and that wouldn’t be good in his grief and with his parents around.  
When Jackson was in Hong Kong he talked for many hours with his parents about the situation and he read as well a book about the need of stability through friends when someone close dies. He only tried to prepare himself as well his close friends for the time they had to say goodbye, whenever they would have to face it. He had to admit, he cried a lot in his parent’s arms because of his helplessness and this unfair situation that proved their friendship to the max. He read that when friends this close lost one, some might even turn away and leave the group entirely and this was what he feared, so he had to try preventing this at all cost. They had to be strong for Yugyeom and for themselves. After all it was impressive when they won the group award against the other awesome teams at the Christmas performance and a girl of their school proudly shouted out that only their school got 7 incredible dancers to the other competing teams, pushing their self-confidence into the sky, which made them fly after all at their stage. 

The days were passing by for some too fast, for some extremely slow and painful. Yugyeom’s sickness took its toll on the dancer’s body and his passion for dancing had to be given up bit by bit. There was no cure and even when his parents and his older brother contacted specialists from foreign countries, there was no chance to survive this and nobody was talking about it.  
Mark had become Yugyeom’s lifeline and as the days went by they became inseparable to the despair of others. Jaebum was trying his best to not lose his sanity, blocking out reality by immersing himself more and more into song composition and lyrics writing. While Jackson and Junior tried their best to make him go out every now and then they failed most of the time.  
Spring was on its way and deep within every one of them was hoping and praying that their lovely dongsaeng would at least make it until the first cherry trees were blossoming. It was this time of the year the younger loved best and they all wanted him to have it one last time.


	6. Interlude

 

~Interlude~

 

An Angel’s love is always true  
On that you can depend.  
They will always stand behind you  
And will always be your friend.  
Through darkest hours and brightest days  
Our Angel’s see us through  
They smile when we are happy,  
And will cry when we are blue.

 

They were facing each other, only silence between. Standing so close felt just right. Needed there to be said more? While one raised his head to look into the other's eyes the other spoke "I - I think I love you". It was more a whisper than anything else. Both were a little embarrassed, but the sunset and approaching gloom around them darkened their faces a little, while a light wind played with the tips of their hair. "Thank you for being there for me and thank you for understanding my feelings." Both tried to avoid the awkward situation, but here they were and there was only one thing left. "I ... love you too. I have for a long time, but." "It's alright, please don't let us... can we just start from here?" "Sure, you- I- I love you so much, you can't even imagine." With this said, lips found its perfect match and the setting sun slowly sunk into the river, leaving for the moon to take over. 

*This poem is not mine, I found it online but couldn't determine the original author. If someone knows, please let me know~ thank you~


	7. Youngjae - being needed

Graduation day was approaching with huge steps and all of them felt giddy. Youngjae was stressed out because of the finals and he was most of the time in a hurry. His parents seemed to pressure him a lot and it was so hard for him to focus on one thing when his mind was full of other things he still had to do. He couldn’t sleep well and while he was studying he was high on energy drinks which kept him awake. Everyone worried about him. After their performance training the younger was only seen in the library, the cafeteria for lunch (but even then with his nose in one of his notebooks) or in the hall passing by, rushing off to one of his extra evening classes in a cram school. They all wondered how long he could put up with this until he had a mental breakdown, which wasn’t possible to cover up with his happy façade and smiley attitude anymore.  
One day Mark dragged him aside and they were talking a little, though nobody knew exactly what was said between them. Just, Youngjae realized finally that he needed his friends as they needed him. The same night Youngjae was talking with Jaebum on the phone to cry his heart out, apologizing that he let them all down through the last months, finding excuses to be anti-social – except the rare occasions of their monthly movie night –, to breed over his books as if good grades were all there was in life. Youngjae was a wonderful friend and apologized to each of them individually and when Yugyeom stood in front of him, the older was embraced by the tall maknae. All dark thoughts about Youngjae left the younger’s mind and it felt amazing since these thoughts made him crazy – he had worried day by day, but this was in the past now and he felt happy for his hyung. 

It was their last day together on school campus. The ceremony was in the morning and they were allowed to play in the afternoon. They all wore their dark blue school uniform, smiling with one eye, being sad with the other, since their time together in one school came to an end and they all had to take different paths after summer.  
During the ceremony Yugyeom saw that Youngjae glanced many times over to a group of girls, among them Bae Suzy, one of the most pretty girls on campus everyone wanted to date. Yugyeom’s eyes widened when he saw to whom she was smiling back – it was Youngjae. He nearly dropped his certificate. “Hyung!” He nearly screamed in surprise, startling all the guys around him. While they were complaining the younger exchanged a knowing smile with Youngjae and as the other’s eyes sparkled, he knew that it was finally a time for his hyung to breathe and enjoy life. School was over and they all had their future ahead. Inside he screeched like a crazy fangirl because he was so happy for the other. He couldn’t wait to get all the details of him how and when he got to know the beauty and what was really going on between them. 

A little later Yugyeom was sitting on the bench next to the soccer field in the school yard, watching Youngjae scoring another goal – if he would follow a sports career he would definitely make it big, the younger thought. Next to the maknae was his dance buddy Jeon Jungkook who always made him smile with his stupid jokes and irresistible funny attitude. No wonder all the noonas were after his bud, he was so bubbly and lively when you get to know him, that nobody - even guys - could resist his charm. Today he was not even really trying to cheer up the younger. Every joke felt not right to him. “Yugyeom you know-“ “It’s alright kookie, please don’t be so serious, it doesn’t suit you! I will always want to remember you with this cheesy, gummy smile of yours! Make me laugh, please. I can’t stand the sad look in your eyes too. The others are depressing enough. Always walking carefully around me like dancing on glass chards. Come on kook, give me your most stupid phrase, I beg you!” Jungkook smiled at him, his eyes still not giving its usual shining, but at least he tried now. He told him about an extremely stupid scene that happened to him and his friends and they both burst out laughing, making the others turn their heads into their direction. As soon as they calmed down a little the by a few months older was about to get to the pun of another story, when his name was yelled across the yard. His six friends were waiting for him at the school entrance, waving him to come over. “Oh, Gyeommie I have to go, I’ll tell you the end of it next time, alright?” They both knew that there would be no next time, but this is what the younger wanted. No sad goodbye, no emotional outburst. He looked into the smiley face of his friend of many years and returned it naturally. “Thank you chingu-ya! I’ll see you around, have a great break until the uni entrance exams! Fighting~” “For you too, lovely Gyeom-a! Never do what I wouldn’t do! Gotta go now, bangtan is waiting!” The only by two and a half months older said, hugged him quickly and stormed into the direction of his waiting friends. They were really a bunch of rowdies, but he liked them. “Bangtan boys, what a ridiculous name” Yugyeom mumbled to himself and smiled. He wondered who came up with this. He grinned sheepishly when his eyes wandered over the field and stopped at Mark. The skinny male was not the sportiest person he knew but nevertheless he had a toned lean body with strong long arms and legs and Yugyeom had to admit that he enjoyed seeing it. His ear-tips became warm and probably turned pink when the elder carelessly brushed with his long, slender fingers through his blonde dyed hair.  
For later they planned to go to the shopping center and games arcade in the afternoon and to have Korean barbeque for dinner, then hanging out at the Han River in the evening, eventually riding bikes or playing basketball before watching a midnight movie.

The shopping marathon was after a little while simply too much for Yugyeom, so him, Mark and Youngjae ended up in a café to rest and have a Choco shake. They were talking about Youngjae’s concert, Coco, about the few successful dates of him and Suzy (while Younjae’s face turned red during denying that anything more than a hug happened between them) and about the uni entrance exam for this particular music program he always had dreamed about. Time flew and as soon as the others returned with hands full of shopping bags, they decided to leave out the games arcade and play instead another day on the game console at Yugyeom’s place, so they were heading straight to a typical Korean barbeque place in Hongdae.  
Youngjae was glad that they were skipping the arcade, since their youngest looked pretty tired and worn out, though the shake cheered him up and brought back some color to his ashen face. Since he was a little older than Yugi and Bam he felt a responsibility towards the two younger ones of their group. They always had lots of fun together, even more when bitching about their hyungs. At the beginning he was insecure and felt a bit out of place since he wasn’t as young as the maknae line and not as old as the hyung line, but with time he adjusted well and gained a second family, whose members would help him with his own problems and phases of depression. He never wanted to admit, even denied it for many months, but Mark helped him so much with it, making him ask for help, since he dearly needed it. And there he was, the best student in his grade, dating the school’s beauty, having friends to die for, with a great future ahead. What else could he ask from life? It was after all music that brought them together and Youngjae couldn't wish for better friends.  
Then his gaze fell on their maknae – his weak stature, his pale complexion, his hollow cheeks and tired eyes, and it hit him: there was not a lot of time left for them to be together. Silently Youngjae fell behind the others while walking in the bright streets of the busy nightlife district. Tears were running down his cheeks. He knew it wasn’t fair – he shouldn’t show Yugyeom his sadness, he didn’t want to ruin their day, but he couldn’t hold it in anymore. He stopped in his tracks and leaned against one of the wooden terrace fences from a restaurant, only to really burst into tears. He quieted his sobs by placing his hand above his mouth, but it was Jinyoung who was the first next to him, before Jaebum took his place and sent him and Jackson ahead to check the reserved private room in the restaurant, but they were shortly after followed by the others. Beforehand though Yugyeom hugged Youngjae strongly. A little while later the remaining two joined the others who already grilled some chunks of meat on the table, asking for lunchboxes, ramyun, cream pasta, soybean paste stew, cider and coke. They ate to their hearts content and for a little while they could block out their youngest condition and that very soon they had to face the loss of their friend. 

Yugyeom watched them from afar when he felt arms encircle his waist. Mark leaned on him. “I’m happy they have each other”, the younger said while seeing Jinyoung laughing about Jackson’s stupid joke, while seeing Youngjae feeding Jaebum and Bambam stealing a piece of meat from Jackson’s plate. They needed each other is what ran through Yugyeom’s mind.  
The maknae was happy to see Youngjae’s heartfelt smile again due to the clumsy behavior of Jaebum – hitting his knee on the table when sitting down and burning his fingers on the table lantern. 

Mark was always right next to their youngest, letting him lean on his shoulder, supporting him and reassuring him that they can take their time and they needn’t catch up with the others. Even though Mark enjoyed basketball a lot, he was sitting besides his lover, their hands locked, watching the others play. Jackson was showing off, Jinyoung was complaining that his team members were slow and Bambam was laughing his ass off when Youngjae stumbled and bumped into Jaebum that both fell on the cold floor. Yugyeom wanted to have some alone time with Mark, but he wanted to see the others too and before over thinking his inner conflict he felt bold enough to just close the distance between his and Mark’s face to initiate a short kiss. Even though Mark was surprised, he wanted the other to be happy and he knew well Yugyeom liked this intimacy, so he held the other gently by the neck, adjusting their lips over each other, savoring the closeness and shared warmth despite the cold weather. “Eeeewwww” came, like always from Bambam, but the two love-birds didn’t bother to interrupt their sweet making out.

Well, in the end they didn’t see a midnight movie, but ended up in a high-end karaoke room bouncing to one of the songs. Yugyeom had one of the music instruments in hand while Jackson was filming how Mark and Youngjae tried to sing an English song. JB sat quietly on the black bench, watching the group. Bambam was on his phone and Jinyoung was, how was it otherwise possible, next to Jackson. When it was Jaebum’s turn and he sang with all his heart a love ballad by Lim Jaebum, it weren’t only Younjae’s eyes which were shining while listening to their second oldest. At that time Yugyeom was already asleep due to this exhausting long day, leaning comfy against Mark's shoulder. 


	8. Bambam - friendship

“Did you ever regret anything?” “Like what?” “I don’t know – clubbing, drinking, going somewhere, stuff like that…” “Actually Bambam, no. Since I got to know Mark I never wanted anything else than be with him. I was dancing with him, I was drinking with him and I never wanted to be somewhere else than by his side, wherever he was.” “Oh” “I know it probably sounds freaking cheesy haha, but honestly, it’s the truth.” They stayed in silence for a while until Bambam had to turn his face away from his younger friend. “Come on Bam, don’t give me your back. You don’t need to cry for my sake!” Bambam’s back was shaking because he suddenly had to cry so hard. He turned around and threw his body onto the younger to embrace him strongly. “Jeeez, Bam you’re going to kill me sooner this way.” The dancer joked, but this made Bambam cry even harder. The thick tears were soaking the younger’s shoulder. 

“Tell me about your future Bam, what are you going to do for the rest of your life? Still wanna teach people Korean and Thai?” The other’s eyes brightened by this question. “Well, I am trying to become a language teacher. You know during school it was always my dream to teach Koreans Thai and I will do that and want to go on practicing with the guys. You have heard Jinyoung hyung started working at his uncle’s company? Jaebum hyung probably will join him in a few years. He is right now interested in film making while Jackson hyung picked up his fencing training again – his dad is so proud of him and bets already that he will win a gold medal. Hahahaha can you imagine – his already high self-confidence will explode!” They both started laughing which felt so good to Yugyeom. He loved it how Bambam always made him smile. He hoped for them to stick together forever as friends as they were all these years. Meeting every day sharing their passion. Laughing and being sad, flirting with girls, sweating in the practice room, complaining about the mostly disgusting canteen food and helping each other out with school work. He loved his hyungs really dearly and will surely miss them. He has Mark with him, though that is for now only a light comfort. 

After a while of silence the Thai asked in a whispered voice “What about your dreams Yugyeom-a? Is there anything that I can do for you?” Yuygeom shook his head. “Bam let me tell you, when you don’t appreciate the single moment and what you already have, there is no point of chasing after things. See, when you make yourself a list with small steps and your big dream on top you just need to get going and fulfill all step by step and you need to promise me that you will treasure each day, okay?”  
The younger drew a piece of paper out of his notebook and wrote in big letters “Bambam’s road to his highest dream”. On top of the page he wrote confidently “Being a language teacher”, because he already knew of this huge dream that was Bambam’s favorite job since they got to know each other years ago. They thought of several things to put together a pyramid of smaller and bigger dreams of the long-legged Thai boy. With the last field right under the top Yugyeom just drew a round heart, giggling while waiting for his friend’s reaction. “Oh, come on Yug, what’s that?” He screeched and his ear-tips turned red. “You know, you handsome fella, it’s about time that you get yourself a pretty girl or boy~” With this statement Bambam’s cheeks also turned red. “How do you know that I like… uhmmm…” Yugyeom interrupted him. “Sorry, but first of all you pay way too much attention to your styling and make up and outfits, secondly, I just know, the way you behave and dress, man you have that aura and ya definitely have too much swag, plus I saw you eying some of our school mates and honestly, every time Jackson or Jaebum hyung showed off their muscles you couldn’t close your mouth – well, you seemed to drool even.” Yugyeom burst in a fit of laughter while Bambam slapped his shoulder hard. After a moment of happiness Bambam turned his gaze to Yugyeom, speaking in a more serious tone “Yugyeom-”, as his eyes were shining with tears again, which made Yugyeom speak up quickly “I just know Bam, that there will be the one for you. Someone who sees what a wonderful person you are, who will love you with all his heart and take care of you. You deserve the world, Bambam, you really do!” With this the other flung his arms around the younger’s shoulders and cried heavily against his neck. “Yugyeommie, I love you. So much, it hurts. Lots.” Was all he could say before his words died in loud sobs. 

Bambam was watching the other eating, he didn’t want to leave his side today, since Yugyeom’s condition was worsening by the day and he wanted to make sure that their youngest at least would eat all his dinner. After finishing his rice porridge, Yugyeom reached under his pillow to take out five envelopes, each in a different color."Bam, these are for you and the guys. Could you please give them to everyone?” When the youngest saw the look in Bambam’s eyes he added a pleading “Please. I need you to do that. For me.” The other simply nodded.  
A minute later the nurse entered and asked the patient’s friend to leave. Bambam held Yugyeom’s hand and promised to visit him again tomorrow afternoon to bring him his beloved Choco shake and the younger agreed with a smile, giving his best friend a tight hug, which was returned even tighter. Before Bambam left the embrace he whispered a low-toned “Thank you” in the other’s ear. 

The same night Bambam distributed the letters – each hyung had his own colored envelope. The Thai’s first intention to gather them all together was quickly dismissed, thinking about the contents of the letters and that every one of them needed time for themselves. He really hoped that Jaebum hyung called either Jinyoung or Jackson to stay with him after reading it. Bambam knew how much his elder liked Yugyeom and it hurt Bam even more since he loved them all like brothers. He couldn’t even imagine how life would go on without his best friend. Surely, the last months after Mark’s arrival he had to share his friend more often, but he tried really hard to have some time with him alone, but knew Mark was good for him in many ways. As time passed Bambam tried to cheer him up, keeping him busy with a K drama about a soldier and a doctor and with his favorite video games that he eventually forgets dancing. It was hard he had to admit. Seeing Yugyeom loose the fight against his sickness - which was from the beginning hopeless - was breaking his heart and he even considered going back to Thailand. Although, he didn’t want to leave the others: Jackson was always there whenever he needed him, so were his other hyungs, he kind of had the responsibility to stay by their side and share sadness and grief.


	9. Jinyoung - memories and loss

Jinyoung placed his phone on the blanket and flipped through some pages of a notebook until he proudly announced he found it: his self composed song. Yugyeom stared down at the lyrics and then up into the older’s face. “Hyung – why would you write a song in Japanese?” “Just felt right, dunno – I wanted to improve my language skills and it was more of a challenge. By the way, don’t you know that Japanese girls think I’m pretty hot?” Yugyeom burst into a loud laugh which left an annoyed expression on Jinyoung’s face which quickly turned into a smile that showed the handsome wrinkles around his eyes. “Hyuuuung! Where is the translation?” the younger whined and Jinyoung placed another paper in front of the maknae. “Here you lazy ass – I really ask myself why you even bothered to learn Japanese in school…” Their eyes met in silence. To lighten the mood Yugyeom quickly said: “Right, I should have chosen Chinese – always enjoyed it more – actually it sounded quite alright and cool when Jackson showed off with it” he admitted and smiled thinking back, recollecting his memories. Then Jinyoung turned up the volume of his smart phone and music sounded through the cold white hospital room.  
When the song ended Yugyeom stared unbelieving onto the lyrics sheet. When he looked up Jinyoung met him with a knowing wide smile. “But hyung, how? When? Why? I always kept them save.” He stumbled over his words. Surprised and astonished he watched the face of his friend. “Well, we had a little help from Mark hyung.” The older started to explain.  
Jinyoung met with the bunch without Yugyeom knowing and discussed that he wanted to use some of the maknae’s lyrics for a song he had already composed and arranged. He wanted to give it as a gift to him and the others were more than happy to help. Secretly Mark stole the little note book from the youngest and Jinyoung started right away with the others to organize his texts and notes. The outcome was this song with his lyrics. “I can’t believe that you packed all of my memories, feelings and thoughts into this song hyung~” the younger became teary as the older replayed the song again. “It’s my – no our gift for you, Yugyeommie – we love you and this will never change – like your song.” Jinyoung said with a warm voice, embracing his most favorite maknae, his eyes becoming teary. It was important for the elder to show their youngest friend how much they loved him and how much they treasured his skills, despite often making fun of him. “Why this title, hyung?” “Because it suits – suits you and it suits Mark and that’s all we could think of. Please don’t be disappointed we didn’t come up with something cooler.” The younger shook his head. “It’s perfect the way it is hyung – I can’t express how grateful and happy I am. Please say thanks to the others!” Yugyeom thought to himself that it describes well their hyung and each one of them too. What a wonderful gift.  
“If this is your work Jinyoung hyung, then I can predict you a prosperous future” “Well, we all worked on it and every one prepared his own part, so it was more of a group project.” Jinyoung smiled proudly. “Then you should keep them around you~” “Yeah, I should and definitely will!” They both laughed and Yugyeom pressed again play on the small screen to listen once more to the harmonious song of his hyungs, the last song they prepared somehow together, imagining some movements and dance steps that would fit the beat of the song. 

Yugyeom lay there in the hospital bed staring at the ceiling. Mark was next to him reading aloud from one of the poetry books he borrowed from Jinyoung. When he saw that Yugyeom was staring at him he put the small book down and looked back at him. The elder was always the one who let him start talking first. It was so from day one they met. “Hyung, can you lay down next to me. I wanna tell you about my childhood.” In an instant Mark got up and crawled next to the young boy under the blanket, softly placing his leg over the long ones of his lover.  
“I was twelve years old when I met Jaebum. He just moved here with his family from another district. He always had this cocky expression he makes with his head: sticking out his chin when he gets pissed, even since he was a child.” They both had to smile knowing well what it looked like when JB did it. “First I thought he was a bully and mean – he looked so arrogant hahaha, but he was not. Not at all – we became friends quickly and then we transferred to the same school where we met Jinyoung. Actually they both knew each other from way before since they went to the same kindergarten and fortunately they ended up in the same high school, but they never left me out of anything. I was so lucky back then really. This was the best that could have happened to me since we all share the same interests. Oh Jinyoung was always in a bad situation, being bullied because he likes books and is so smart and we – since we even were tall kids back then – saved him many times from the real bullies of the school and we became very close friends.” Yugyeom’s voice was becoming thinner and Mark reached out under the blanket to hold his cold hand.  
“JB was really a kind, good hyung to me, really. I wouldn’t have had so many wonderful memories. I think my favorite, but saddest, I can think of now is when we were lying on the school rooftop looking at the stars. Jinyoung wanted us to do this since they said in the news a meteor shower was going down and would be visible only this night from about 1 to 3 o’clock in the morning. So JB and me were there at 12 to have a rest before. We were just gazing at the stars when JB suddenly took my hand and intertwined our fingers. Well, I was about fifteen and thought he just was a little cold, but there was much more in it that I can tell now, years later. It was actually his first move towards me. And silly me, I just realized that he really liked me when there was no room for more than friendship. I never considered myself gay. It’s only you – just you. From the very first second until… until… “ “Eternity” Mark concluded the sentence with a whisper and sealed the younger’s lips with a warm kiss.

It was just the two of them. Yi-eun was sitting next to the pale younger, watching over him, but already knowing in his eyes that the time had come. Yugyeom intertwined their cold fingers and pleaded with his eyes for a last time being as close as possible.  
Mark climbed next to him, lifting his night gown, stroking up his once strong thighs, making his lover shiver under his touch. They weren’t loud, but they were intense, swallowing each other’s moans, exhausting themselves until Yugyeom’s orgasm was carrying him like a wave beyond happiness and for the first – and last – time he saw the elder’s wings, a shining white light emerging behind his shoulders, engulfing them in radiant brightness. It was the most wonderful feeling the younger never ever had felt before. It was as if being one with the other. Slowly their highs faded and for a last time Yugyeom looked into his hyung’s beautiful shining eyes, seeing only the most beautiful being and so much love and appreciation that it can’t be captured in words.  
“Take me with you love, so that we can be together forever.” The younger whispered and Yi-eun nodded softly, kissing Yugyeom’s eyes closed, savoring his lips thoroughly until the younger fell asleep one last time. 

The first rays of the morning sun touched the room and illuminated it warmly. Jinyoung knocked lightly onto the door – he was very early, but wanted to spend a few hours with his friend, before he was off for Jinhae to visit his family over the summer break. With a bouquet of flowers and some self made cookies he entered the room, expecting the other to still sleep, but when he entered he stopped in his tracks. The flowers and food-package fell onto the floor.  
He immediately rushed to the bed to feel for his younger friend’s pulse, but when he touched the blue skin it was ice cold. Jinyoung had to admit to himself that he couldn’t cope with this situation, so he let out a single scream of pain and sunk onto the floor, burying his crying face in his hands. He couldn’t recall a situation in all his life that he felt so useless and helpless. A nurse quietly embraced him and led him out of the room. Instantly people were around, he could hear Yugyeom's parents, and he only sat on one of the chairs outside in front of the room crying. A moment later he thought of calling the others. He tried to fidget with his phone to call Jaebum first, but he wasn’t even able to keep the phone in his hands and with a loud clatter it landed on the floor. Minutes passed and he tried to calm down. He needed to tell Jaebum. The older needed to know. They were best friends for ages, the three of them were. With this thought another shower of pain washed over him and he tried despite the forthcoming, never-ending tears to calm himself a little to call the other.  
After the second ring a sleepy Jaebum answered the call. “Hyung—“ he started with a shaking voice but couldn’t go further, because he knew his best friend and his quick understanding. “No” was breathed into his ear through the phone and the other stopped the call, surely getting ready to come to the hospital right now. 

A little while later JB and Jackson were running down the corridor and the next thing Jinyoung realized was to be in Jaebum’s arms. So familiar and warm, making him think back to pre-school times. They were crying into each other’s arms for a while until Jackson asked “Where is Mark? Has anyone contacted him yet?” They both shook their heads.


	10. Epilogue

~Epilogue~

On every single one of Yugyeom’s birthdays Jaebum was sitting in front of his ancient looking marble urn, silently crying over his lost friend. It was still this strong feeling of love that he kept inside, even though he was better now after all this time. He had Jackson and Jinyoung beside him and even when he loved his boyfriend dearly it was Yugyeom his heart always longed for. The young dancer with this beautiful cheeky smile, sometimes squealing voice and cheerful laughs – a picture burned into his mind until his dying day. To feel better he would probably forever tell himself that he is somewhere with Mark, in the older’s arms and happy, looking down on him or wherever he would be and seeing what he became. He wanted to live a life that the younger would be proud of having him as friend. It was painful still, but he knew as long as he was with Yi-eun he was good and JB didn’t need to worry too much. When the sun set and the last rays of light illuminated the little box in which pictures next to his urn stood, showing the group of friends many years ago all happy and careless - surely they all have grown up so much after their maknae’s death - he smiled through his tears. “Youngjae’s wife received their first child today, Gyeom. Guess what kiddo, it’s a boy and they named him Yugyeom. I bet he is as handsome as you.” With this he took a last look at one of the photographs (the one where they all lay together on the practice room floor) and the flowers he laid down, stood up and walked back home where probably the guys would be waiting for him to take him into a warm embrace. Like they always did.

 

On angel wings you do fly

On angel wings into the sky

On angel wings I do cry

Because those angel wings took you away

On angel wings the heralds sing

Is there no such lovely thing?

On angel wings you fly away.

I will see these angel wings again someday

When I am old and my time has come

On angel wings I will fly

Until I’m holding you once again

Smiling on angel wings.

-Troy Nichols-

 

 

 

A/N: First of all, I’m very sorry if my story doesn’t really fit into your requests – I really tried to find a middle way, including some interests. It was my first time writing something longer than a one-shot for someone else and I’m new to the most genres as you might have found out while reading. I wanted to try out something new and dedicated each chapter more or less to one member and his background in a kind of episode-style – did it come out ok? I’m so insecure about my writing… Still, I hope you enjoyed reading – I’m such Yugyeomxhyung-line trash and I really loved having him as my protagonist~ :D I tried, despite the sad plot, to make everybody happy in the end…

*Recommended song: JB "Forever love" <3 


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